Gabor Maté the Wisdom of Trauma Reflection

And I think it was Andy Warhol as well. And Kenny Scharf, his daughter did this new documentary on him called when the worlds collide. And Kenny Scharf is an American painter and he moved to New York city at a young age. And because of Andy Warhol and he befriended Keith Haring and Basquiat and all these, you know, amazing artists and they had this whole collected culture and journey with our, and so I highly suggest the documentary and I shared it with my sister in the documentary.
There were different art collectors being highlighted, and this physician Gabor Montay, and my sister messaged me and she's like, oh, Gabor. And I was like, yeah. And then she sent me the Podcast of him and Tim Ferriss. And then I just went down a rabbit hole and just watched a bunch of his videos on YouTube. So I highly suggest watching his videos on YouTube. I would just type in Gabor, Montay, just soak up everything he's saying it's, well-spoken, he's 77 years old. Now there's so many great teachings. And then, you know, someone sent me a trailer to his documentary and then my sister sent me the movie and I'm just like, okay, like three people in one week are sending me Gabor Montay.
Like it's a, it's a sign for me to be able, just to tune in. So I'm not a doctor or a physician. I am a spiritual seeker. I am a lover of wisdom. And I have a keen interest on the human brain and human behavior. Our patterns hacks, narrow science. So I felt the best in the world. And I'm so grateful for my sister because she does as well. So we're able to share slices of life and information with one another. And then we go and apply it with the people we love and care about. And then we, you know, hope to be a ripple effect for other people. I find for some reason, I'm so compassionate, so caring, so understanding so open and so giving.
And I feel sometimes I'm able to do that with the people who aren't as close to me because although I want to be, and I try to be, but there's just so much emotional stuff that comes up. And so many Triggers. I find it more difficult to do it with the people who are closer to me, especially if they're not wanting it because someone wants to be a seeker. Someone wants to heal themselves. Someone wants to participate. So if you're here, thank you for being here. You're on the path of discovery and wanting to know and get more in tune Gabor talks about in the documentary and the YouTube videos. He talks about the quality of the questions, you know, asking the right questions. He says he can get to a person's trauma and in three minutes or less, and I've seen him do it multiple times.
It's not that difficult. We've made it more difficult, but we are confused. We are so numb. We've been taught to be numb. We've been taught to be confused. We've been taught to isolated. We've been taught not to show our emotions, not to let out our anger, to go up to our room, you know, to keep it all inside. And that causes collective trauma. And since that clauses, the collective trauma, it's not that something's actually wrong with you or that something's wrong with me or another individual. It's the thing that traumatized the individual. It's the thing that traumatized me.
And then I live with that. And you know, it's so difficult to understand what that is because Gabor talks about how, you know, there's two options. Like not my dad, but let's just say a dad. For example, if a dad is mad at you, he said, there's two ways of looking at it. If the dad's angry, being mad at you and then, or you can inflict it by turning it inward and just saying, oh, I must be a bad person. I probably deserve this. It's probably me. He's probably mad at me. It's probably because of me. And most people do that.
I guess it's the safest, easiest thing to do to say, oh, it was me instead of, oh, I'm the reason why he got so upset instead of a feeling. Cause we don't know, especially when we're really young, we don't know like, oh, what could my dad be mad about? You know, again, I'm not talking about my dad. This is just like probably a bad example. But you know, I'm here just to share in brush strokes of what I took in and what inspired me. And I'll have show notes below. So you can specifically hear from him. I actually sent an email to his team to have him on the podcast. So I really hope to have him on the podcast.
I know he has like about four bucks, so I'm definitely going to deep dive into his books immediately. I also feel like when you hear it from the source, you learn so much, so much quicker from a podcast or from the person's mouth, or if he has the audio book from an audio book sometimes. So you can obtain the information, just soak it in while listening can be very healing. I prefer listening to audio books over reading regular books. Although I do love reading regular books, it just takes a lot for me to get into it. What I mean by that is there's this wall thick wall of resistance that defies me from getting just tuned in, into the book real quick, unless it's like for some reason, like a spiritual book or probably a book like Gabor's, I'd be able to just sit, dive into it.
Otherwise there is that resistance that comes up for me specifically, some would label it, maybe ADHD. I don't like to label myself of anything. There's no test from what I know of to be tested for bipolar or ADHD, Gabor openly speaks about his ADHD, how it happened, why it happened for him, the story that he shares, you know, he also talks about how asthma and ADHD and how it's increasing and there's going to be an epidemic or it, it seems to be a, so an epidemic of what's happening and he finds through his studies, the reason why all this is happening with everyone, because we're all victimized and traumatized at a very, very young age, for example.
Well, before I give the example, actually I would just like to say where I was going with the ADHD part is, you know, maybe feeling scattered, maybe feeling all over the place, no pun intended, ha pun intended. So maybe I could even talk about that. She's all over the place and give an example of what that means, but I'll come back to that. Hopefully after I give the example of what I was talking about with what I was about to share with you, which is the example he gives is we need that connection. And a lot of times, you know, when a baby's crying and crying and crying, there's a myth and a lot of parents still to this day, like I've seen it within just the last couple of weeks when I was around a two year old, the mom said, oh yeah, you just let the baby cry themselves asleep.
That's what the doctors tell you to do. That's what you're supposed to do. No, I've never believed that. And I don't have children yet. God willing, I will. One day sooner than later, if it's meant to be for me. But no, no, that is horrible. I've never identified with that. And I've never spoke up about it because I never could like put the language to it. But Gabor says it so eloquently. He talks about how, okay, let's say a baby's crying and crying and crying. They say the baby needs two things. And one of the things the baby needs is to be touched and held. And I, I knew prior to Gabor that like, if you don't physically touch a baby, it will just die because it needs that, you know, connection. So when the baby's crying and crying and crying and you just leave the baby there, so you could tune out or put on the music so you can get your own rests instead of taking care of the baby that you had.
The worst thing one can do is leave the baby there to cry and cry and cry. They feel so alone. It's traumatizing. And then they get so exhausted and then they fall asleep and they repeatedly do that over and over again. So I mean, a lot of us, probably most of us, many of us, our parents and them generations from, you know, other circumstances, we've been taught this misinformation. So as babies, we're all being traumatized from a very young age. If, you know, if our parents did that, which is, you know, really, really harsh and sad to hear how messed up and backwards it's been going on for such a long time.
And that's so, so profound and so specific. And I mean, it's going to take you for the rest of your entire journey in life. And then the, he goes on to talking about and some other people, you know, he interviews and chats with, they talk about carrying this monkey with them and it's like, we're all carrying these heavyweights and these monkeys and that this feeling or it feeling, and we don't want to face it. We don't want to face what, okay. Yeah, whatever happened happened. It's not going to go away. It's done it already happened. But to continue to ignore it over and over, that's the helping, it's making it worse.
And so many people, they just walk in around in denial. I don't want to talk about it. Let's change the subject. Let's not talk about it because it's too painful. It's such an irritation because then they have to look at what's going on inside of themselves. And they're so overwhelmed by their feelings that they just can't take it. So they're not right or wrong. It's just emotionally too much and too strong for them to deal with it. And we've been taught. Many of us been taught not to deal with it, to repress it, to shut it down to again, go to our rooms, to quiet ourselves. I read this quote earlier and someone was like, are you really an introvert?
Or were you just not heard every time you spoke? So now you just choose to be quiet because you feel ignored. You feel like you're not heard. It's sad. It's so sad. Another example is, you know, walking down the street and seeing a homeless person I've been around so many people, they get so scared. They get, they won't even look the homeless person in the eye. They think like they're going to whip out a knife or, you know, they're going to like, like attack them or something. People do not even look into the eyes. If they feel a vibe of being paranoid or scared that's within themselves because they're scared and paranoid of their own emotions.
And they can't look at that homeless person. Who's lying there. Helpless and vulnerable. Yes, of course. Some could be on drugs. Some could maybe be, you know, but have you really, I don't know, have you, have you seen too many violent homeless people? Most of them are with the dog or saying, you know, feed the hungry. God bless you. Most that I've seen, you know, in Los Angeles, New York, San Francisco, the places I've been, you know, in Brazil, it was, it was pretty dangerous for me to go outside by myself. I actually wasn't allowed to, I had, we had to have two security people with us the whole time everywhere we went. So I don't really understand the severity of crime.
Third, largest capital in the world, San Paulo, Brazil in the Americas of LA and New York, two major hubs, you know, Chicago, San Francisco, the majority of the homeless people I've seen I've, you know, gifted them food meals to, to buy something. And then some people say, oh, well, I don't want to, you know, give them money because they're just going to go buy alcohol or to go buy drugs. Well, who am I to judge? Who are you to judge? If that's what they need, that's what they need in the moment. It's what maybe they need. Who am I to judge? I don't want to support that. You don't want to support that. Okay. Well, you know, go to the nearest local restaurant, order them something. And if you don't want to give them the money, it's the time and the value and the thought of taking a time out.
If they say, Hey, most want a meal. If you're like, Hey, like, you know, you can go purchase and say, I like pick out whatever you want, buy whatever you want. You know? And they just go and a lot of them like, just really get enough for a meal. They don't some don't over-exaggerate and get three, four meals. We'll just get like a one meal. And then some will be like, oh, and I'm like, get a drink too. They're like, oh, is that okay? I'm like, yeah, of course. But the point of, you know, all of this is you're walking past while all of it is the point, but you're walking past and we're scared to even look into the eyes of a homeless person or we walk, pass and act like they're not there as if they don't exist to isolate, to make invisible.
And so many people, whoever is listening to this 1000%, you feel, you may feel unworthy a lot or have had experiences of feeling unworthy or knowing people who feel not worth it. They play so small. They don't know how to hold space in life. And I understand how that feels. For some reason, with my lucky stars, I came out of the gate, screaming and roaring and taking space and letting it out. So I know what it's like to travel around the world. One of the reasons why I created she's all over the place, because I've been around the world and I've held a lot of space and I've taken up space and I'm like, I know who I am.
You're going to know who I am, period. But also I definitely know what it's like to feel small and feel worthless and not know my worth and not know my value. I spent so many years understanding value, understanding morals, understanding ethics. I was so confused. Like I was raised with certain things and sometimes it's not verbalized. It's just in the way of behavior that we learn certain things in our society and culture. Some we adapt and take on some, we revolt against some, we don't attune to same thing. When we get into a workplace, we have to abide by certain goals and guidelines.
That's in the workforce. And we're like, yes, I aligned to this. I want to participate and be a part of this team. Or you get into a relationship. And hopefully there's healthy communication. A lot of times, there's not, you just get involved from a vibe and a feeling, but certain deep down things aren't spoken about. Do you want to have kids? You know, like, what's your take on an open relationship? What's your take on marriage? Do you even want to get married? How were you raised? What are your beliefs? We all have our set of beliefs that we take on that we dismantle. And then we meet someone and we are meet people. And we take on new partnerships. And I like your belief. You like my belief. And then sometimes let's create new beliefs together.
Let's create our own world. Let's create different things. And so that's really beautiful and really intimate. And that's really important through communication. Sometimes it's easier for others. If we learn it, we're natural for Tata. Sometimes it's not. And like I said, especially with the people closest to us, it's hard to have those difficult conversations because we get so emotionally triggered. So growing up, running cross country, a certain etiquette of being a runner when you're running, you're like, Hey, good job. And you're passing another runner. Good job. Good job. How are you doing? Hello? So a lot of times growing up as an athlete, running along Malibu and Venice and you know, other places in the world, a certain etiquette, I'd be like, hello, good job.
How are you doing? If someone's kind of struggling, you're doing great. You just kind of put up that feeler for them, you know? And that was a certain etiquette I learned. So with everyone on the street and every one in the world, I would be this rainbow rambunctious, positive bouncing around happy-go-lucky spirit. A lot of people have called me, hi, how you doing? You know, to homeless people, to everyone. You know, at one point I thought like, because of what other people would say or how they would look at me, I had it. And I didn't think twice about it for a long time. But then one time I remember reflecting on myself, like, am I crazy? Am I crazy for just saying hello and reaching out and not having like those boundaries? I'm just like open to everyone.
Like I need to, you know, be more protective of myself. Like I need to be more careful, you know? So I even like thought like, oh, what am I doing? Is it too much? Like I was even, you know, judging my own etiquette to others, biting onto the fear that, you know, I might harm myself in some way, by being too open and too vulnerable with people. I understand we all go through different waves of how we feel and how we act. But the nicest thing we can do, if you learn anything and take anything from this episode, the nicest thing you can do when you see a homeless person, just nod, just nod, smile, acknowledge them.
They're not going to come right out running after you just don't act. You know that they're there, don't walk by and act like they're not there. It's so discriminating it's. So it's just rips down. Someone's self worth. Why would you do that to anyone when you're doing that to someone you're only doing it to yourself, when you do that to anyone, you're just doing it to yourself, ignoring Self, not looking in the eyes of another, because you're scared, not looking in the eyes of a homeless person because you see their pain and you might feel their pain and you might see something in depth through the soles of their eyes. And it's too much for one to handle because we're taught not to feel what we're feeling inside and it triggers us and we don't know how to handle it.
Well, tune into Gabor, Montay, cause he's the specialist and I'm just a vessel. So I'm so grateful. I have over 4,000 downloads per month. By the time you hear this, maybe I'll have a lot more who knows, but I hope to have Gabor Power Montay on my podcast. I'd be such extreme joy to bring him along. I know he's very busy. So we'll see. Also, if you email me, you can definitely go to the Wisdom of Trauma dot com. It's the documentary by Gabor Montay. And there's a booklet and it was sent to me. So I don't know if you can get it right from the website, but it was sent to me and I will gift it to you because it was gifted to me.
And it says trauma symptoms. And here are some hyper arousal increased heart rate, rapid or difficultly breathing, cold sweats, tingling, muscular tension, constriction, embody, and narrowing of perception. This association or denial feelings of helplessness, immobility and freezing hyper-vigilance intrusive imagery or flashbacks, extreme sensitivity to light and sound hyperactivity, exaggerated, emotional and startle responses, nightmares and night terrors, abrupt, moose swings, rage reactions, or temper tantrums, frequent anger or crying shame, and a lack of self-worth reduce the ability to deal with stress.
Having a difficult time, sleeping, panic attacks, anxiety, and phobias, mental blankness, and spaced out feelings, avoidance behavior, avoiding places, moments, activities, memories, or people, attraction to dangerous situations, addictive behaviors, overeating, drinking, smoking drugs, et cetera, exaggerated or diminished sexual activity, amnesia or forgetfulness. I mean, I have a lot of these and I don't want to diminish my trauma because I have some stuff to share and more than ever I'm I I've had to build up, you know, the understanding and then the courage to share. Cause what do you share? Where do you start? How do you say it?
You just speak, let it come out. But so, you know, not being able to share, holding on to other people's lives, holding onto other people's stuff, because I even told the, you know, play myself small and go into a corner and not say anything to people placed to make other people feel better. I'm not doing that anymore. I didn't do it before. I learned it. Somehow, forget that no way. So I'm going to speak up. I'm going to let these suckers out. I need to, I need to, and you need to, it's the only way we're going to feel liberated, truly liberated freedom, real freedom by not having these shackles and these burdens that everyone feels in.
A lot of people aren't talking about. So I mean, we are now we're talking about it more and you're here and you're listening and I'm talking about it. I feel a lot of these things on the list I have, you know, they call it quote unquote misophonia. And I have Tom from the Institute coming on the podcast. And so my extreme sensitivity to light and sound. I know I'm an HSP, a Highly Sensitive Person, 15 to 20% of the population of HSP, Highly Sensitive. I know I'm an empath. I sometimes feel other people's pain. I feel it so deeply. Same thing with joy. I feel it so deeply. I know someone who's had nightmares and night terrors.
I haven't had that hyper activity for sure. Avoidance behavior, for sure. Definitely anxiety or I think a lot of people can relate to that. I haven't had any trouble sleeping. I sleep very well, but I know a lot of people I've worked, you know, with a lot of organic products and brands with my career. And I know sleeping is a major problem for a lot of people. They don't know how to turn it off. And then they turn to, you know, melatonin. Unfortunately we only have one melatonin receptor in our body. So the most you should have is 0.03 milligrams of melatonin to activate your own melatonin. I have an amazing episode with Geoffrey Wu from HBM N so definitely tune into that episode to learn more about that, you know, brain hacks and things like that.
The thing is we just need to communicate and we're scared to tell the truth. We're so scared of what other people will think of us. We need to start caring more about our own feelings, although that's, we've been told not to, but I'm giving you the permission because sometimes we just need the permission from someone to hold space from us and allow that compassion without any judgment. So journal, let it out, do a voice memo, send it to me. Talk to me, talk to someone, just anyone just, and if you don't have anyone to talk, to just send a message to me and you know, I have so many people you can connect with and talk to and follow and take in this information.
So you can create rituals for yourself. Robert Sterman has an amazing artist, you know, speaks about rituals and the importance of routine and self care. So I'm so glad you're here and you're tuning in. I would definitely like to dive deep into S All Over the Place Podcast. So yeah, I said earlier on she's all over the place was yes. In fact, because of world travels, because of being in many facets of the entertainment industry and of life Poetry, dancing, music, comedy, drama, TV, film, voiceovers, you know, the different areas of voiceovers, animation, video games, commercials, TV, film, and voiceover, there's just industrial.
There's just so many different kinds of voiceovers, you know, in everything, everything I'm into narrow science and health and what we're putting into our bodies. The other part of she's all over the place. In addition to what I just shared is literally being all over the place. And this isn't a revelation right now. This is just my first time sharing it. I wa I remember I watched the Iris documentary. I R I S she's a fashion icon. She has an amazing documentary. And she says it so eloquently. And I identified with it. And it was even before then that I identified with what I'm about to tell you. But the thing is I've kept myself so busy.
I've been so excited following the joy and just keeping in all of that, because I was so scared of everything else. I was so scared to slow down so scared to face what was going on within me, my feelings. So I just held onto the joy and that positivity and was avoiding dealing with the rest of the stuff. And I did that for decades. I've done that for such a long time. In 2012, I started in 2012. I started the internal journey of self healing, and I decided as a scientist, I'm not really a scientist, just like as a character scientist, I'm going to in 2012, I studied with Susan Batson and I was doing work on truth and building characters.
So in 2012, I started the internal journey. I was in the south of France on the beach. I'm so outside of myself that I needed to get so in tune with myself. And that's when I started the internal journey. And then in 2014, I took this DJ music program. I'm like, I'm going to be a scientist. And I'm going to explore these two emotions that I've avoided my whole entire life, jealousy and anger. And I just was like an ocean, like raw. I was like an ocean. It was like so much to deal with. It was just, I couldn't even handle it. It was so much, but I made the choice and on the journey, then I started being aware of the word Triggers and what triggered me and things that were motor like triggered me, vacuums, weed, whackers, blow dryers.
I was terrified of knives, scissors, metal, scraping of the teeth. So I'm going on my journey. I'm on my journey. And yeah, so that's why she's all over the place in capsules. You know, the positive, the negative, the uptown in in-between world, traveling the love of food, culture, arts entertainment, but also it identifies with avoidance and me avoiding what was going on with him. So I made myself one because I wasn't taught how to nourish and allow it to come out in a safe space too, because, you know, I ran from it because I was petrified of how powerful I was, my own emotions.
I was celibate for seven years. I wasn't in a relationship for so many years. And I learned through Susan Batson into me, see Intimacy. I was so scared of Intimacy. I was so scared to trust the nother, to be intimate with another, to be vulnerable with another, how could I be vulnerable with someone else? If I couldn't even be vulnerable with myself, how could I trust someone else? If I couldn't 1000% feel like I could trust my own self. So I sat in that for a long while. So with all that being said, there's going to be amazing links in the show notes for you to hear Gabor Mat himself. And again, it'll be such an honor to have him on here. I am manifesting it. Someone on his team already wrote me back and with the next step.
So I already, you know, we're in communication, back and forth. So I sent something over. So I really hope to have him. It'd be such an honor to talk about all the stuff we've talked about and more, I honor you and your journey. If you can get this booklet, please get it. If you can see the Wisdom of Trauma documentary, I would definitely do that. I just would like to read a quote by Gabor Mat T himself, trauma definitions. Trauma is a psychic wound that hardens your psychological and then interferes with your ability to grow and develop It pains you. And now you're acting out of pain. It induces fear. And now you're acting out of fear. Trauma is not what happens to you.
It is what happens inside of you as a result of what happened to you. Trauma is that scarring that makes you less flexible, more rigid, less feeling, and more defended Gabor Mat . Thank you so much for tuning into this special episode of she's all over the place. I love you. I'm here for you. Tune in, share this with everyone. Let's get the message out there. I'm a vessel. So are you let's care and share and hear one another. And instead of walking past, you know, because we're scared, maybe look, someone in the eye, as Robert Thurman said in the podcast I did with him, it could save someone's life. It could save someone's life. It could save yours. I love you. We'll see you again.
Thank you so much for joining us. We'll see you next time. Kyriaki, over and out.