Turn of the Century 2021 Feeling Lonely and Facing Fear of Intimacy

It's not a poem this quote, many times before it's by anonymous in the end, only three things matter how much you love, how gently lived and how gracefully you let go of the things. Not meant for you. I love that. So pretty speaking of poetry, I found over the holidays, actually, I guess in the month of December Shaya, John, and I guess he has some poetry books, but he has a podcast and has this very deep soothing voice. His podcast is called. I will read for you. And the thing I like about his podcasts, they're only three to four minute episodes. They're just little bits of his book that he actually reads to you.
And one of the things he says, it's like going to the spa, it's literally like going to the spa for your soul. It's just so beautiful. The word, the writing, very feminine and just precious. So if you need to just get in touch with your soul and just kind of have that yearning for just some beautiful poetry, I definitely suggest checking out his podcast. It's called. I will read for you also, I would like to say congratulations to Nikki Scorpio because he created his first podcast called Scorpio rising. And on the third episode, it hit the top 100 on apple podcasts for mental health podcasts.
So that was pretty, really cool. And he just had me on the next episode the other day, and we're talking about communication, the art of communication in business, and then we were just on for three or four hours. So I ended up being a two-part episode, which will come out next week. And it's the art of communication with personal, so personal communication. So tune into Scorpio, rising and check out his episodes. And he speaks about vulnerability and power and he just has so much depth and soul. And he's a great voice. So tune into his podcast and subscribe there and check out the episodes that I was just recently on. And also I'd like to say, thank you so much to my new followers and just a short amount of time.
We have 1000 new before the end of the year, and I'm so grateful we have over 40 episodes. So there's so much you can listen to on the entertainment industry on ethics, morals, values, entertainment, music, deejaying modeling, and you know, other business sides of things. And how do you balance, you know, the business and the personal with the ethics, morals, and values. So there's some great insight and tools, you know, you can reach out to me at imagine Katie at gmail.com. Anytime, if you're specifically looking for an episode, I can lead you to the exact episodes. You don't have to like fish too much, but every single one is juicy. And I definitely recommend listening all the way through because we go on a journey.
So some podcasts or some conversations, it's just one thing. And then they just stay on one thing. But mine is like literally all over the place. So I get into the depth and the soul of like psychology and their favorite books and mentors and things that help them along their journey to reach success. So I wanted to be able to provide that value and insight for you. So, yeah, we're I have over 40 episodes now I have 22 episodes in this season, so we have about five episodes left and yeah. So thank you so much for tuning in being here. And at the end of the episode, I'm going to play Angels and Rainbows. It's a song that I released during the pandemic.
It's a song that I wrote when I was in New York, one Thanksgiving, and I like went to New York and I ran into not ran into, I was at my friend's friend's giving and my friend, Joey, he was just like, you know, giving me all this inspiration and he is what he is, and he's amazing and powerful and very, very sweet. And he just inspired me so much that I went and recorded Angels and Rainbows. And then it just sat for like a year, more than a year during the pandemic Marcus Mallenary was playing a beat. He was like outside his backyard, like literally on his DJ turntables and playing this dope beat. And I was like, so onto it. And Nikki, my music partner heard it and then just boom produced it.
Everything happened with George Floyd and Brianna Taylor with black lives matters and like all that stuff that just happened. And I just felt like it was a really apropos time to release Angels and Rainbows. And then I decided to dedicate it to George Floyd and what had happened. So, and then, you know, me, I like to take, well, if you don't know me, I like to take art and make art input art on art, on art. So I love doodling. I love taking photos. And so I took some really meaningful photos and I took some photos of some of my friends who are amazing photographers because I wanted to honor them in the piece as well. And I got permission from them and I doodled on some of the photos that I took and then edited it together and then made a lyrical montage music videos.
So I'll put that in the show notes. If you want to check it out at the end of the episode, it'll be in the link below. I just feel like, you know, with the stuff I'm about to talk about, I just feel like it will be really, oh, great note to end it on the Angels and Rainbows creativity, you know, it being the new year, it's super, super exciting. And I want to keep it real, you know, definitely dive into a couple of the things that I've been focused on for maybe the last week I gratefully have had a lot of moments of solitude, which has been much needed for a long time. There's this like resistance thing that happens within all of us. Right? And so the trick is discovering how to enter the place of frictionless non-resistance and it's what I've been needing to do.
And it took like a few days for me actually to like pin it down and just, you know, conquer it, the fear I just went to Googling, of course. And I found these articles and there by Harley therapy. And I really like the website. I definitely highly suggest it. They have stuff on abuse, addiction, ADHD, anger, anxiety, and stress, cognitive therapy, counseling, depression, eating issues, mindfulness, parenting, personality disorders, relationships, self-esteem sexual issues, theory and training. Yeah. It's just, it's totally full with a lot. I wrote, I dislike Google them, just like, why do I feel so lonely?
Because a lot of times I feel so lonely. Like I have so much going on. Right. And, and one of the things that I do is I keep so busy just to not have that Loneliness feeling article came up and it said seven Surprising Reasons Why you're still feeling lonely. And it said like the number one thing is that you're afraid of intimacy. And so it says sometimes the most seemingly outgoing person is the one who is hiding a deep fear of rejection and keeps others from getting close to them, to connect with others and stop feeling lonely. You need to take the risk of allowing people to see who you truly are and be brave enough to seek out the relationships you really want. Even if sometimes it doesn't work out. If you suspect you're holding back from real connections, you might want to read about the signs that you fear Intimacy.
And then I did. I definitely clicked on that. And we'll talk about that on in a minute. So immediately I'm like, oh my God, this is my new year's resolution. Like I am going to be seen because I've been hiding, I've been hiding. And I've been like in this paradox and labyrinth of just hiding and like playing tricks and games with like myself. So like people don't see the real me, cause it was like scared of Intimacy. I'm like scared of getting close to people. So I get, you know, one thing I did was just to boom, expose myself, which I normally wouldn't do, but it was just like a action that I just wanted to take. So like I went to my Instagram and I had these people in Amsterdam and I have all these people who write me all the time and they're like, oh, I've seen you in this movie. Or I seen you in this TV show or like, Hey, when are we going to see you on the big screens again?
Or, you know, I'm a big fan. I love how artistic you are. Your page is so deep and soulful and artistic. And so, but I just like, I read them and I just kind of move on. But instead of just like a reading them and move on, I'm like, yo, these are the people that are having authentic connections with me from all around the world. So I decided to respond. And so I read them, I've been reading them, but then I've decided to respond to them. So now I'm responding to them. And I even put a couple like in an Insta story and I like wrote back, Hey, thanks. And I like called out, like, you know, thanks so much. And I dunno, I dunno exactly like what I was saying, but it was just like, really? I just like put a note out there too. And I just said, forgive me for hiding. I'm going to have more courage and I'm going to break through, I called it out.
I'm like, I definitely had a fear of intimacy. I just, I see it. So clearly I see it in all the patterns and choices that I made along the way, and I've been hiding behind it. And so seeing this number one thing, I just like called it out. So I don't know what's going on in your world, but I know Fear is a really big thing that I know it's the top of the year. And I know every day's a new day to create and start something new. So no matter when you're listening to this episode, you can definitely, you know, take rightful action for yourself as well. The other thing that came up was saying how I'm stuck in the past, says you are stuck in the past. So I won't give you all the details and stuff, but I can definitely, I'm like, yeah, I can totally see how I'm like comparing, which is the death, right?
You can't compare. And then like just, you know, feeling, feeling stuck in the past with my mind computer of like certain scenarios of how things were maybe 10 years ago, or, you know, even, you know, 20 years ago. So being aware and taking ownership of that, another one says, you're struggling with codependency. So you guys can like write this down and just reflect whatever rings a bell for you. You don't know yourself well enough. If you've never taken the time to truly learn what makes you happy and inspired, you'll end up like a leaf in a stream at the whims of other people's ideas of what you should be doing and who you should be hanging out with. You might be in a career that doesn't suit you, surrounded by people that you can't connect with because on a deeper level, they don't match you.
And you know, like some of that makes sense to me because, you know, in a way I've been very, you know, confident and strong in things and people I've been interested in, but then sometimes I've also feel like someone will call and it's like, I'm jumping left and like listening to what they say, cause I respect and admire them. And then it's like, sometimes I'll be doing what I need to do. And someone will call or someone wants me to do this or they'll just step in. And they're just like, you know, putting themselves first. And I'm just like, and I just like allowed it. And I'm just like allowed that behavior instead of just standing firm in my own space and doing what I need to do without explaining myself without feeling frustrated, you know, like putting other people first, which isn't a bad thing, you know, obviously like I like to serve people and I come from the heart center of who I am and I like to, I'm a caregiver.
And I like to give, there's been so much giving to other people and also, you know, my ego of wanting to be liked and accepted. So we'll get into that maybe a little later, but that passion that drives me is one of the things that has been avoiding me from me and from my own success. So I'm calling it all out and, you know, making some deep rooted interchanges with silence in grace, in solitude and just taking action. Another one that says you aren't acknowledging how much you've changed. Oh, take a deep, big breath there. So this is, life is a journey and we are all on our own unique path.
What this means is that you can ensure that everyone, you know, and once loved, will always be converging pathways. Sometimes we just outgrow relationships and holding onto friendships that are no longer aligned with who we are, leaves us misunderstood and Feeling Lonely. Let go about data, relationships with love and create room to meet the people who understand who you are today. And I just love that. And I think a lot of letting go of 2020 and all the old grids collapsing and just allowing all the stuff just to melt away, gave a lot of opportunity for a lot of people to shift to the heart center of who really matters, what matters and you know, hopefully treating themselves better and treating the people around them that they care about better as well.
I know for me, this is just a small example, but I was just in just such deep kind of like solitude and just going in that I really, you know, there's been times in my past where all like right, 200 people Happy New Year are all like, you know, like, right. So many people this and this, but this year, it's just like, I've completely just, I keep unhooking on hooking and unhooking and going deeper and deeper and deeper inside. And it just feels so good. Cause I just feel like I've just been like running for like two decades now. And this is my time to just really like Homan and go through this deep transformational period. So I'm not sure where you are in your journey, but I would love to hear from you.
So let me know another one we're on number six and then there's number seven. Number six, you are secretly attached to the idea that you are a lonely sore. You are actually just suffering from depression. So that's like a whole, that's like a whole another thing. But from what I've been told in the past is depression. When someone's depressed, they're living in the past and when one has anxiety, it means they're living in the future, which doesn't exist yet. So depression is from the past and we all know how that is. 60 to 70,000 thoughts per day. 90% of those thoughts are the same thoughts. 90% of those thoughts are negative thoughts. According to Joe, Dr. Joe Dispenza. So moving right along that had me click on the Fear of Intimacy.
Oh my gosh. Seven Surprising Signs. You Suffer. Fear of Intimacy. One you're never Still. Wow. Literally I ran cross country. I've been on the move. Go, go, go, go, go. Always moving around. Always, always going. It's been so difficult for me to just get Still. I have certain times, but to really get Still, this is a new exploration for myself and I'm really excited to share my journey with you too. You are known as someone who is very positive thing and meaning, so me, oh yeah. I'm in spirit. I have that positive thing about me. Totally positive. Julie really am. I'm enjoy with life. I love it so much, but always positive.
Yeah. I held onto that for a long time. I really did. You know, it took a long transformational period to start really being vulnerable and sitting in my vulnerability recently, just like letting people know, like actually I'm not okay, actually. I'm not okay right now. And just kind of doing my thing instead of saying that I am just being like or saying nothing but not putting on the public persona. Number three, you're the strong one. Others turn to, I can definitely relate to that, but then you take it on and you solve in here and console and you're an empath and for everyone else, but then it's not reciprocal or they don't get to hear your side of things.
It's all just one sided. That's the healthy number four. You always appear perfectly put together. Been there, done that. And I know my Enneagram, I'm a number two and my wing is a one in a three. And the Enneagram, the number three is, you know, the perfect image. And yeah, we'll get into that later or in another episode, but I'll touch on it briefly in a minute. Number five, you are sure you know exactly what you want in a partner. You just haven't found him or her yet. So when I was a little kid, I had this blueprint of this white picket fence and everything that I wanted. And it was like the 1% of the 1% or the 1% of the 1% and like give anyone a chance.
Heck I didn't even give myself a chance. And that has been quite the struggle and challenge and journey over the last, I don't know, maybe since 2005, 2007, number six, you are many different things to many different people, totally wearing different hats. Depends who I'm saying in France and London and Dubai in Germany, you know, in California and New York, it depends what circles. It's like, boom, you're so many things to different people. I definitely identify with that. Do you secretly have no idea how to be your real self?
Hmm. Well, I think I always brought a bit of my real self there and it was just like really bubbly and stuff. I just wasn't intimate with self that was going on with me. It was just like all the fun, positive core things about me. And it says, are you so used to hiding the parts of yourself that you don't like, that you mold yourself to be what you think others want? Totally, totally definitely fell into that trap. So many times it's called the Marilyn Monroe syndrome. Everyone who claimed they knew her well had a different take on who the real Maryland was the girl next door, the siren, the secretly intelligent woman. The real truth was that she was lonely and felt that nobody knew her.
Okay. Number seven, you have very strong opinions. Oh yeah. Strong opinions can be like a way of pushing others back. For sure. If you offer enough of them or become known for them, others are scared off or tip toe around you. You thus avoid any real intimacy. So I don't fully identify with a lot of those sevens of the, the suffering of Fear of Intimacy. So I'm just so happy that I found these articles and that I'm actually at a point in my life or I'm ready to just sit with it, except it allow it be friended and nourish it and be okay with, with everything that's going on.
And if I'm going through this, maybe you're going through this or know someone who's going through these things or have gone through these things. So I just wanted to really share with you because my declaration of the new century and you know, for me being me and being more of who I am is to not hide and to not be feared of intimacy. And yeah, it's an exciting, exciting time. It's an exciting journey. And that leads me to my friend turned me onto this amazing book. Oh my gosh, JD Mo what up? I love you. You're amazing. So, like I mentioned earlier, the Enneagram, he turned me onto this book called roaming free inside the cage and it basically breaks down it's it's the Enneagram.
And then it's the doubtless approach of the Enneagram. And it's a spiritual transformation. It's the author, William M Schaffer PhD. And it's forwarded by David Daniels MD who went to Stanford university. You need to get the book, but I'm just going to share with you a couple of things here. There's something called the original energy. Like we all have this original energy, right when we're in the womb. And then we come out and there's the three shocks of embodiment. It's one of these three, all humans have it. We all have it. It's called loss of wholeness, loss of emotional connection and loss of trust. So I'm not going to get into too many details, but it's pretty magnificent the wording and, and the insight from this book.
So I highly highly recommend it. What I do want to say about the book is that the author studied infants for over 40 years in his practice. So his approach of infancy of pure innocence and studying babies, studying us humans, and then giving the map and approach of the Dow and the Enneagram is just remarkable. And in the Enneagram, there's the, the three centers of experience, which is the body, the heart, the mental I'm in the middle of reading it right now. So I'm not going to get like too into it, but yeah, I'm just going to say happy new year again, and thank you so much for stopping by. And I really appreciate you make sure to check out episodes that you haven't listened to already reach out to me at imagine Katie at gmail.com.
Yeah. Next week's episode is going to be really awesome. It's going to be with Monica Lowey. Who's a Facebook strategist and specialist for Facebook ads and Instagram ads. Quite interesting and insightful. Yeah. So now I'm going to close out with positivity, hope, glory, fun, and some music Angels and Rainbows written by the one and only, okay. I'll talk to you next week. Ciao.
Thank you so much for joining us. We'll see you next time. Kyriaki over and out.